K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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