He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
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I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
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we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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