I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
