You can't special order awesome
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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