we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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