we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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