We won't sleep together?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If I die, sorry about rent.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
