That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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