I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
