break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
