you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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