I've blown a few things in my day
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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