omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
