Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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