Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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