Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
