Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
