Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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