i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
