woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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