I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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