i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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