wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
