If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
