I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
