youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
