Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's shark week go big or go home
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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