absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
