This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
