We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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