I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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