it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
