It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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