butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
