If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
