You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
