I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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