And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
