if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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