i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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