she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
