Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
