Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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