A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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