At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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