The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
