We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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