Did you just see the Batmobile???
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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