I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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