oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
