I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
