i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
