We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
