Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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