well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The best revenge is premature balding
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She needs sedatives and a leash
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
