I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
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