Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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