What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
