im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
