I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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