If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
