I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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